You are not Gone

A picture, such a simple thing you hold onto so loosely, not knowing why you hold onto it any differently, you did not realize the value of the picture until the object in the picture is gone. Suddenly the picture becomes meaningful and at this time you hold it, you feel that it holds you right back, you begin to remember that moment so special; you remember the feelings at the moment in time. The smile, the cry , the amazement, you begin to realize why you have this picture. You begin to see why it is holding on to you so tightly; you begin to witness something so unexplainable but quite simple. You have expressed a memory that will never be forgotten, Yousef, a memory that will never fade away but will only remain strong in your heart. 

I miss you when something really good happens, because you’re the only one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you’re the only one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night and think about all the wonderful times that we spent with each other for those were some of the best and most memorable times of my life…

Just when I think that there would never be a hello or goodbye, never a conversation with you on the phone again, never a memory to be shared with you, I just can’t stop myself from crying. You know how much I miss you, I told you that when I visited you grave and kissed your tombstone. I also told you that I chose not to remember you at all, remembering implies that I forgot you. I can’t forget you and I won’t. It broke my heart to lose you but you know what, Yousef. you didn’t go alone, a part of me went with you and a part of you lives inside me.

Tomorrow will be so hard on me, like the other 364 days were. I’ll play Nirvana’s song, Lithium, like you asked me a week before your death, as though you wanted to give me a hit that you were leaving me for good. I love you and I miss you so much…. 


How to be a Perfect Syrian Revolutionary

According to a new-established classification that represents the manifestation of the revolutionary sheeple syndrome, you are a revolutionary and an opposition supporter if you only follow the following steps:

1- You insult Assad and all his family members, the dead and the living.

2- You curse everything related to the symbols and establishments of the Syrian state, currently and previously (especially the official state flag).

3- You deny the sectarian speech that is adopted by many activists and opposition figures.

4- You believe that the Syrian regime is Persian-loving, Magian, faithless and Shiite.

5- You support arming the rebels and NATO intervention, or any foreign intervention whatsoever.

6- You accuse people who oppose the militarization of the Syrian uprising, foreign interventions and the Syrian National Council of treason and thuggery.

7- You believe that Hezboallah fighters, Iranian Revolutionary Guard soldiers and Almahdi militants are helping Syrian security forces in killing protesters without having any evidence to support your claim(parroting what you heard only).

8- You insist sharply that the Free Syrian Army includes defectors from the Syrian army ONLY, and that it is a defensive organization that never organizes any attack operation.

9- You call for the killing of people that support opposition currents you don’t approve of, especially the National Coordination Committee headed by Dr. Haytham Mannaa.

10 You are totally convinced that the Syrian regime is behind all the assassinations, explosions and crimes.

11- You think that pro-government supporters are only students, public-sector and SyriaTel/MTN workers that are forced or paid to go to pro-regime rallies.

12- You believe that the Syrian regime is a an ally of Iran, Israel and the US.

13-You reject any form of dialogue.

14- You threaten people who disagree with you that they will be punished severely for being ”regime thugs” .

15- You don’t present any solution and you reject any solution.

Be really careful; if you don’t follow these 15 steps, you are an Alawi, regime thug that should be excluded and/or killed, sometimes…

The Militarization of Syrian Uprising is a Civil War Pretext

29th of July 2011 witnessed the formation of Free Syrian Army with the release of a web-video featuring a group of uniformed men claiming to be defected Syrian army. The sole purpose of this organization, as its founders claim, is to protect Syrians protesting against Assad government. Regardless of the fact that this militarized presence among protests contradicts the peacefulness protesters have been embracing and chanting for a long time, the Free Syrian Army represents, according to its advocates, the armed self-defense component of a nonviolent movement.

Hardcore supporters of FSA explain their stand by stressing on how the presence of the FSA militants at demonstrations actually preserve the nonviolent character of the Syrian uprising. Defending nonviolent protesters against brutal repression encourages protesters to remain peaceful with the knowledge that they will be defended, rather than give up nonviolent protest in frustration and take up arms against the regime. This wishful and idealistic explanation sounds perfect on paper, unfortunately, reality begs to differ sharply and violently. 

If you have been following the news lately, you would have definitely noticed the drastic change in FSA ”self-defense” presence.The FSA soon has begun to do more than defending unarmed protesters against security forces. Rather than simply having an armed presence at protests, the FSA brigades started conducting attack operations against the Syrian army in non-protest scenarios.Thus, the Free Syrian Army evolved from being a “protective” organization to one that reacted to the regime’s offensive operations.

Today, however, the Free Syrian Army plays a major role in determining the directions to which the uprising may or may not go. The revolution looks now more than ever to have become militarized as it adopts the Libyan scenario gradually. The FSA is now conducting its own operations against the government forces, and so, rather than directly defending against attacks,is pre-empting them. This can certainly be interpreted as self-defense by FSA supporters; however, no one can deny that it certainly looks less like self-defense for it has escalated the struggle with the government and the increased the number of Syrian martyrs.

What complicates things even more is the radical Islamic side that the FSA brigades adopts. With names like Alfarouq, Moawiyah Bin Abi Sufian, Shield of Islam, you can not but predict a religious and sectarian discrimination in goals and methods. Those who argue in favor of FSA say that those names mean nothing for there are brigades named after Syrian heroes and martyrs. This argument would have been correct if it wasn’t for the Jihad declaration calls adopted by radical sheikhs like Al-Arour, Al-Qardawi and Al-Luhaidan, and also the ultimate support the FSA has from Alqaeda in Alzawahri’s statements and the formation of Alnusra Front of Alqaeda jihadists in Syria. Jihad declaration in Syria attracted not only Alqaeda jihadists and terrorists, but also fighters from Libya, Bosnia, Afghanistan and other countries who managed to sneak into Syria’s boiling zones to fight with FSA militants and rebels. The existence of Alqaeda terrorists was the perfect recipe for disaster; organized crimes, rapes, kidnaps and tortures against religious minorities increased rapidly, terrorist explosions became the norm in Syria’s major cities and above all hate speech and sectarianism against the Alawis, Assad’s sect, were adopted by FSA militants and some revolution activists and leading figures like Abdul Basit Alsaroot, Haytham Almaleh, Omar Tellawi, Mulham Aljundi and many others.    

In short, the uprising in Syria has become fully militarized, especially as a response to the recent massacres in Homs committed by the regime. After the events in Homs, revolution fanatics have come to the conclusion that to defeat the regime in a nonviolent, peaceful movement is foolish and impossible, and the only way to carry on is through armed resistance to regime forces. This line of reasoning is extremely dangerous and has catastrophic results.

Even though I’m a pacifist, I believe in people’s right to defend themselves against oppression. We should not judge the oppressed morally for choosing to arm themselves for the sake of self-protection. As many liberals believe, I think nonviolent always has superiority over armed movements, but there is indeed a space for armed resistance. However,in the Syrian case, I do not believe it will be effective, in fact, I believe it will ultimately be detrimental to lead the country to a long and devastating civil war.

The Free Syrian Army cannot compete with the Syrian state. It is always extremely difficult to compete with a state that has superior weaponry,training, and greater numbers of armed fighters and soldiers. it is extremely naive and immature to let the revolution descend solely into the military sphere, because this is the Syrian government’s specialty. Some claim that foreign powers can secretly arm the FSA, especially after many countries in Friends of Syria two conferences encouraged arming the rebels and John McCain’s calls for Obama’s administration to arm FSA like it did with Libyan rebels. However, no matter how many Saudi, Turkish or US channels are opened up, the weaponry that the FSA can get their hands on will never match those of the Syrian army, in number or in strength.

The other major issue that many FSA supporters seem to ignore is the aftermath of the militarization of Syria’s uprising. I don’t recall any country in our modern history that witnessed armed struggles or civil wars which ended with the fighting sides dropping their weapons after the wars were over. We don’t have to go back in time to talk about the Lebanese civil war and how long it took the Lebanese people to get rid of the post-war armed militias, Libya’s case is the manifestation of the crisis armed movements bring. Libya’s transitional council still can not control the expansion of armed militias in post-Qaddafi’s era, the country is torn by terrorism, hate crimes, racism and fights among the militias that once fought together against Qaddafi. Try to apply the Libyan scenario on Syria and you will see what I mean and why I sharply oppose the idea of anti-government armed movements.

Many have concluded that the revolution must become armed now and it has no other choice. But is this “feel good” or “do good” politics or just juvenile, short-sighted attitude? I’m in no place to question the man who decides to get revenge for his dead family, he has every right to do so. What’s the use of revenge if it ends up with him being simply killed? We can’t really say that it was a beneficial act, as morally justified as it may be. I believe that the decision to rely on arms will result in even more state violence than we have already seen and this will keep the bloodshed going till it reaches the state we all have been dreading, a civil war. What’s the alternative? I think the answer is to focus on a political solution for the Syrian crisis. People say too many have died using nonviolent methods, but many more will die if we rely solely on violent methods. The only available choice is to work in making Kofi Annan’s plan succeed in implementing an immediate cease fire. We lost thousands of Syrians from both sides and we can not afford to lose more. If some of you think Syrian blood is cheap and those martyrs are just inevitable statistics and numbers, they are not to me. The Syrian blood in my veins is so precious, that’s why I don’t want it to be spilled anymore.
11 Steps to Fascism

1-Invoke a threat.

2-Establish secret prisons.

3-Develop a paramilitary force.

4-Surviel ordinary citizens.

5-Infiltrate citizen’s groups.

6-Arbitrarily detain citizens.

7-Target key citizens.

8-Restrict the press.

9-Cast dissent as treason.

10-Subvert the rule of law.

11-Promote Sheeple Syndrome.

That’s Why I Oppose Bombing for ”Democracy”

A select club of 28 countries, with an international license to kill, intervening worldwide to protect their own interests. They’re the godfathers of bombing for democracy possessing nuclear weapons and jeopardizing world peace. In times of austerity and drastic cuts to social spending, they invest millions in missile defense and military power against imaginary threats. They are NATO countries!

Like some people would love to think, I oppose NATO not because I’m a lefty wingnut, a smelly vegetarian hippie or because I’m a Middle Eastern commy where people are breastfed to hate the western imperialism .Spare me all the labels and the stereotypical analysis of mainstream media, I oppose NATO because I believe in humanity. I never saw and will never see the glow of military rainbow that some of you see in wars, the one that rises in showers of blood and charms to destroy more and more…

I see NATO as the world’s biggest war and killing machine, an alliance that is supposed to be defensive is, in fact, an aggressive gathering of countries that crave nothing but power and profits. Under the fake pretext of ”Responsibility to Protect” NATO attacked Libya to enforce what it seemed like a democratic regime change, but it was nothing but a profitable invasion triggered by starvation for oil and greedy monopoly of postwar reconstruction contracts. NATO intervention in Libya escalated violence and led to the death of thousands of Libyans. I tried to give it the benefit of the doubt and waited to see if it would investigate the deaths it caused in Libya. Months passed by and not even a single NATO spokesperson mentioned any kind of commitment to investigating the massacres its air strikes left in Libya.  The only organization that dared to say something was Amnesty; It has recently criticized NATO for keeping so quite and acting so passive towards the thousands of Libyan civilians. That sole criticism was ignored by NATO and its fanclub world wide. Whenever I or anyone asks a die hard NATO fan about the massacres it leaves in every country it intervenes in, they say: These ”technical” mistakes are inevitable, that’s a war and everything is possible!.

I remember I had a long discussion with a NATO goon from Syria who’s been begging the US and its allies to bomb Syria, he’s one of the Sheeple Syndrome ”activists” you can find on Twitter too (I’m not gonna mention his name, I’ll leave it for you to guess). He seemed like a total war addict to me. What started that discussion with him is a sentence I tweeted about those wackjobs who want NATO to bomb Syria and that I’d support their demand if they agreed to come and live with me in Syria when it got attacked by NATO. He gave me a typical response any attention whore would usually go for just to create the buzz needed to make them feel important. He told me: I’m currently in Syria and I don’t mind living under NATO attack. Frankly speaking, I did not expect such a dumb response from him, but again, people with Sheeple Syndrome just parrot what they hear. His moronic, suicidal answer led to a very heated discussion that lasted for an hour or two. I showed him tons of evidences of how ” humanitarian” NATO interventions actually were, yet he was mind-numbingly stubborn to admit he was wrong. He even dismissed the statistics of casualties in Libya, Afghanistan and Yugoslavia and told me that NATO did not kill those people and it is not his place to tell me how they died cause NATO does not and will not bomb civilians. For a second I was about to ask him if he was Bush, Blair or McCain, but his bad English prevented me from doing so.

Every time I cornered him, he’d change the subject and take it to a personal level by asking me the same old, dumb question: How can you support a criminal regime? Believe me guys, if I had a penny for every moron that asked me this question, Bill Gates would be now begging me to be his business partner. I really don’t see the relation between me opposing a war waged on my country and supporting the regime. I never supported this regime nor went to a pro regime rally in my entire life. The difference between me and those NATO goons is that I think about my country’s welfare when I oppose the government, not about me winning and proving to people I was right all along. This is not a football match, it’s the future of 24 million people we’re talking about here!!

This NATO goon represents a group of Syrians who let their deep despise for the government and Assad turn into a walking zombies that see hope in destruction and democracy in wars. What baffles me is how freakishly stupid and ignorant this cattle of Sheeple Syndrome of ”people” really is. How could they ever think that war is the answer?! Haven’t they seen how Libya is torn and divided by racism, armed militias and future federalism? Have they even bothered themselves to know how Afghanistan is in tatters and on the brink of a civil war? Are they that short sighted to see what happened to our neighbor, Iraq?

If we all want to learn anything from all these countries that were bombed for democracy, for oil or for ending terrorism is that military threats and interventions aggravate conflicts rather than resolve them. No nation on earth is rich enough to pay for both, war and civilization, we must make our choice, we can’t have both. I chose civilization and peace, now will you do the same? It’s your call!!


Sheeple Syndrome

After a year of having many discussions with people regarding Syria’s crisis, I noticed a very weird phenomena growing among them, especially Syrians. I can totally understand why anyone would be so passionately enthusiastic about their own opinions and beliefs, but there’s a difference between being passionate about something and being a complete troll.

I’m not a psychiatrist but I couldn’t find a better term to describe wingnuts debate manners and general behaviors than : Sheeple Syndrome!

Sheeple Syndrome refers to the total loss of all mental and logical faculties one has that makes them easily brainwashed and led like sheep. This term is derived from the combination of the words ”sheep” and ”people” to signify how easily people who have this syndrome can be foolishly toyed and controlled by main stream media social, political, economical or cultural propaganda.

Symptoms: Self-righteousness, ignorance, autocracy, trolling on social media websites, living in utter denial, incapability of forming an individual opinion, resorting to personal attacks and insults when cornered, parroting other people’s ideas and agendas, ultimate stupidity, narrow-mindedness and lacking debating and discussion manners. Symptoms vary from one person to another depending on the severity of the Sheeple Syndrome they have.

If you identify few or many of these symptoms in a person, it is recommended that you never engage yourself in any discussion with them whatsoever. In addition to making you feel like you want to kill yourself because of their moronity, having a discussion with a person that suffers from Sheeple Syndrome can cause audio/visual and noise pollution, nervous breakdowns, chronic depression, heart attacks or strokes, and last but not least, endless insults to your intelligence.

Take it from someone who’s had her share of talking to people with Sheeple Syndrome, ignore them and don’t bother to have any kind of discussion with them. The more you talk to them, the more critical their case becomes and the more defensive and moronic they get.

I Was Attacked Again Last Night

I thought it would be a normal night but it wasn’t. I was reading a book and trying to make the best out of my temporary disability, or what I’d like to call  ”The house arrest recovery”. I took a break from reading and checked my twitter page, it was filled with news about a new massacre in Homs. After a year of witnessing and documenting this vicious bloodbath, I’ve become a bit used to the idea that people in my country are dying everyday(that’s so sad I know). I saw the photos and checked the endless videos people sent me. Women and children were slaughtered with knives, burned and disfigured. My initial reaction was utter numbness; I was drowning in my own questions and speculations, but as usual, I found nothing but tears in my eyes as answers… 

My strength, or what’s left of it, failed me. my tongue was crippled and my voice was almost gone. Seeing those horrible photos brought back the memories of the assault that targeted me 3 weeks ago. I remembered the fear and the pain the fucking attacker caused me, I saw him beating me repeatedly in those photos and breaking me into pieces. I thought I’d be stronger this time and stand up for myself, but I couldn’t.I was held up so high on such a breakable thread of momentary resilience, but it just broke off immediately with the first photo I saw of Karm Alzaitoun massacre.

I don’t think words can help me now, how can they when death by a natural cause has become an unattainable luxury in my country?! How can I stay sane when I realize that the value of human life went down the drain of absolute inhumanity?!What else should I say when I witness how my country is gang-raped by terrorism, annihilation and sectarianism?!

After my attack and the bruises and injuries it scarred on my body as a clinging aftermath, I thought my personal agony would haunt me more than anything else. Now I look at my scars and injured hand and knee and see nothing but triviality. At least I managed to make it through my darkest day, but thousands of my people did not.Maybe I was lucky to cheat death but I’m definitely doomed to this slow death so sharp like a dagger piercing into the flesh of my present and bleeding me till it makes my heart a tomb.

With every new massacre I get beaten up again, with every innocent kid slaughtered or disabled, my attacker stabs me again. With every woman raped, I get raped over and over again and with every innocent Syrian sacrificing their life for Syria, I become humbled by their greatness, yet so proud of sharing the same blood with them.

Hear me out, world! My Syria will never give up. Whenever she is knocked down, she gracefully gets back on her feet and marches on. Those who think they can take away her pride are not even born and will never be. Take my word for it and the word of 23 million Syrians.

I and Spanish journalist, Javier Espinosa, share the same photo. He took it when he was in Homs, I saw it everywhere in Syria, with or without my camera…

I and Spanish journalist, Javier Espinosa, share the same photo. He took it when he was in Homs, I saw it everywhere in Syria, with or without my camera…

I’m Syrian, Hence, I’m Unstoppable

In a crisis like this, you find yourself, consciously or subconsciously, forced to choose a side.I was and will always be on people’s side; people who are oppressed, tortured, killed, impoverished and degraded. People who strive to get their voices heard when everyone chooses to act deaf, people who prefer to die than to live in humiliation.

Days are passing by, number of martyrs and prisoners are increasing and my anger is growing with each innocent Syrian killed in this bloody struggle. It’s not about taking sides anymore, it’s about ending the bloodshed and preventing a civil war outbreak that does not seem impossible anymore…

Wherever I looked, I saw blood, crimes and hatred. With bodies piling up and covering Syrian soil, I’ve drifted to the middle, alone, holding nothing but Syria’s flag and trying to hide from the suspicious looks and cold accusations of my people. I was afraid of being judged and labeled by them for long, but then I realized that withdrawing into my own fears would never help. After hiding under the flag for so long, I decided to show myself to them and face whatever they wanted to put me through. I was still in the middle, I couldn’t go to this side or that, I just wanted them to come closer to me. I tore the flag I was covering myself with to use it as bandages for their own wounds and bruises. Their looks were no longer suspicious and their accusations became greetings. That’s when I knew what side I want to be on. I want to be on Syria’s side like I always have been and will always be.

Spare me your judgements and your labels, they don’t matter to me. What really matters to me is going back to Syria and not smell blood in her air or see fear in her people’s eyes. The more you attack me, verbally and physically, the more I’ll speak up. I survived one assault and will survive the next ones… And now I’m not showing off or pretending to be strong, I am strong cause Syria taught me so, and the Syrian blood in my veins gives me the resilience that I need to get back on my feet when life knocks me down. I’m Syrian, hence, I’m unstoppable and unbeatable.

This is…Homs!!!

This is…Homs!!!